Tris and Four celebrate
by Franceschap
Summary: This story continues in the Dauntless compound after the initiations. War is still coming, but they have a bit of living to do before it starts.
1. Chapter 1

**I wrote this because Tris never got to celebrate coming first and getting into Dauntless. I wanted her to have some fun before she headed off to war. Hope you like it. Reviews would be appreciated since it's my first attempt.**

Several times during the year they turn the dining hall into a big dance party. Coloured lights are hiding in the ceiling until they're needed and a sound system is hidden behind the walls. The biggest party of the year is the night the new initiates are welcomed into Dauntless. Zeke and I got here early to help set up. Tris told me she had something to do with Christina first, so she would meet me here. I finally see Will walk in, so I watch the door. Tris walks in. She's wearing a new dress, it's black and the neckline is square which perfectly frames the tattoos on her collarbone. She has makeup on and her hair has waves hidden throughout. So that's what she and Christina were up to. She looks so beautiful but I can tell she's feeling uncomfortable. Her dress is strapless but she keeps rubbing her arms, probably hoping fabric will appear. She stares up at the coloured lights which swivel and spin, sending blue, green and red light pulsating around the room.

The Celebration is in full swing so the dance floor is packed. She walks in at the perfect time because the Dauntless official anthem starts playing. I can feel the energy in the room rising as the song starts building. Will and Christina drag Tris into the middle of the floor. The music builds and builds and then everyone starts jumping in unison to the beat of the music. There's nothing like the feeling of being in the middle of hundreds of people all moving together, fists pumping in the air. I watch Tris, her eyes wild with excitement and remember how I felt the first time I experienced this.

Zeke hits me on the arm and I look over at him and smile. He has a serious look on his face and motions for me to look to my left. I see the guy we've nicknamed The Panther pacing back and forth watching the dance floor. He was in the initiation year above us and he got his nickname because he preys on the new initiates every year. He's hungrily got his eye on someone and I realize he's watching Tris. He starts to move into the crowd toward her. I quickly slip past him and reach Tris first. I spin her around and her eyes light up when she sees me. I kiss her squarely on the mouth and then shoot a look back at The Panther. He nods and backs away, already scanning the floor for another girl. I don't want him to look at Tris that way again. Ever.

The music is too loud to tell her how good she looks so I just take her hands and hold them out to her sides and smile. She beams back. The music starts building again. I squeeze her hands and yell, "Ready!" She squeezes back, and we start to jump in unison with all of Dauntless. The energy in the room is amazing. You can feel the electricity between everyone. This song ends and goes right into another beat thumping song. I was surprised to discover how much I loved dancing when I came to Dauntless. Lauren and Zeke always made me get out on the dance floor with them. Lauren practiced a few moves with me earlier tonight. She got it out of me that I liked Tris and I think she really wanted to help me. I wait for one more song to build up my nerve and then I put my arms on either side of Tris and sway my hips back and forth, then I grab her hands and raise them above our heads, our bodies touching and swaying to the music. I can tell by the way Christina is looking at us that I'm doing it right.

After about half an hour they play a slower song. Even though the song is slow, the bass and drums still pound so loud you can feel it in your bones. I have one arm wrapped around Tris's waist and I'm holding her hand in front of my chest. It feels so good to be able to finally be with her in public and not pretend. Tris starts squeezing my hand and I can feel her heartbeat racing but not in a good way. I look into her eyes which are a little wild with panic.

"Are you all right?" I ask. She shakes her head no. I lead her off the dance floor and head outside.

"What's wrong?" I ask.

"I don't know, I just started thinking about everything that's happened and it's….." She's getting a little out of breath, like she might start hyperventilating.

"Maybe we shouldn't have stayed so long," I say. I can see she's feeling overwhelmed by everything.

"No, I loved it. Really, I loved it so much. It just started to get…. I don't know how to explain it."

"I know," I say. I touch her arm.

"It's just such a relief that it's all over and I don't know….I just never imagined…."

"I know," I say again.

"Stop talking to me like that." She pulls her arm away.

"Like what?"

"Like I'm a little kid who scraped her knee and you're trying to calm me down. 'There, there' Tris."

"I never said 'there, there' Tris. I said, 'I know.'"

"What's the difference?"

"I said 'I know', because I know the feeling of fear when you make the choice to leave your family, your whole faction and the only life you've ever known, only to find out that you might not actually have a place in the new faction you've chosen. And the fear that replaces it, the fear of being factionless is unimaginable. So you try your hardest and you learn to fight and you hope that somehow you'll scrape by and make the top ten. Then you have your deepest fears exposed for other people to watch and judge and they push you so hard you think you're going to crack wide open.

Then they finally make the announcement of who will be allowed to stay. And it's then that you discover that not only did you scrape by, you came in first. First! Even before other initiates who were brought up Dauntless. Then you go to the celebration and you are surrounded by more people than you've ever been around in your entire life, and you're listening to music so loud you think your ears are going to bleed and then everyone starts moving together in unison and the energy in the room is so alive it's electric.

Then you realize that all these people have gathered here, not out of obligation or duty, but because they want to celebrate with you because you have decided to join them and their way of life. It's then that you finally realize that you're safe, and that you will have a home. That this is who you really are and that you actually fit in, and maybe life will be okay after all and it hits you all at once and it's just too much."

Tris stares at me wide-eyed, tears glistening and starts to nod. I cradle her face in my hands. "So, Tris," I rub a tear that has fallen onto her cheek, "I know."


	2. Chapter 2

**This is about Tris moving one step closer to conquering her fear of intimacy. It's tasteful but explicit. You've been warned. I hope you enjoy it!**

I suggested Tris come back to my room after the celebration. I don't want her anywhere near Peter until she is safe in her own apartment. I was hoping she'd come back with me so I cleaned up earlier. I usually leave every light on, so I don't have to come home to a dark room, but this afternoon, before I left, I turned them all off except for the small lamp next to my bed and the light in the bathroom. I closed the bathroom door until just a crack of light peeked through.

Neither one of us speaks. Tris is pretending to be interested in something on my dresser, and I just watch her, trying to build up my nerve.

"I was thinking of giving you a graduation present." As soon as I say it I regret it, because Tris spins around and her face lights up at the thought of a present. In Abnegation, we never got presents and if we were given anything it was something practical, not something fun.

"Well, it's not actually a thing," I say. She looks intrigued now. "It's more of a feeling." Her face drops and I can see her tense up. This is not going well. I practiced this over and over in my mind, but now that she's standing right in front of me I can't think straight.

"I would like to ..., I mean, I've..," I look at the floor so I don't lose my nerve. I can't look at her right now. "I've thought about how we could do this so that you'd feel totally safe and in control." I feel my face getting hot. My ears are starting to burn. "Your clothes would be on the whole time, and it wouldn't go any further, I promise." I steal a quick glance at her. She's a little wide-eyed but she doesn't look totally scared. "This would be all about you. I wouldn't even factor into it, well, I mean I would, because I'd be there but…." This could not be going worse. I look at her and she is smirking. She walks over and takes my hands in hers.

"I've never seen you this nervous," she says.

"I'm terrified," I say and let out a sigh. I put my forehead against hers. I blew it. The smooth speech I practiced in my head turned into a rambling mess.

"Do you think about this a lot?" she asks, quietly.

"You're all I think about," I say. We stay like this, our foreheads touching, breathing each other's air. Then she leans up and kisses me softly on the lips. I rest my hands on her waist and she wraps her arms around my neck. We kiss again, only deeper and longer this time. Then she buries her head in my neck and we stay like that for a while.

"We don't have to do this yet. I don't want to push you," I say. I wait for her response. It doesn't come. I loosen my grip, expecting her to back away, but instead, she hugs me tighter.

"Unless…..it's something you want to try," I say, and again wait for a response which doesn't come.

"Tris…..do you want to?" I ask, quietly. Her head is still buried in my neck. We are both still as statues.

I wait, hoping.

She finally whispers, "Yes."

We lie down on the bed, Tris lying stiffly with her arms by her sides. I stroke her hair and kiss her. Eventually she starts to kiss me back. After a few minutes I place my hand on her hip and start moving it along her stomach. I can feel her tense up so I move my hand back to her hip. After a minute, her arms leave her sides and she runs her fingers through my hair, kissing a little deeper. I slowly start to move my hand over again and she lets me. I lightly rub between her legs but she's still lying straight as a board, her legs tight together. I just keep rubbing gently and kissing her and soon she bends one of her knees and spreads her legs ever so slightly. I increase the pressure and I can feel her relaxing into it. She lets out a sigh, letting me know I can keep going.

A little while later, I can feel her legs relax and she kisses me more aggressively than she's ever done. She slowly moves one her arms from my head and starts bunching up the fabric of her dress, pulling it up until her underwear is exposed. I can tell by how rough and thick the material is that she's wearing her Abnegation underwear. Maybe she felt the dress was too revealing and needed a little comfort underneath. I look at her and smile but her eyes are shut and her head is turned into my shoulder.

With the dress out of the way, I rub a little deeper and am rewarded with quiet moans. I want to touch her so much but I promised I wouldn't push her. Her moans are driving me crazy. I can't help myself.

"Can I touch you?" I whisper in her ear. She nods yes without opening her eyes. I slowly slip my fingers under the elastic strap of her underwear and move my fingers down to her silky skin.

"God, you're so wet." I moan and her eyes snap open, thinking she's done something wrong. "No, it's good. I…." I want to tell her that she's beautiful and perfect and that I'm as nervous and excited as she is, but all I can do is kiss her hungrily and hope she knows. I feel myself getting hard and I don't want her to notice. I don't want to freak her out. Not now. I shift my hip back so I'm a safe distance away. I explore her until she lets out a quick gasp. I concentrate my fingers there, using her moans as a guide to figure out where to touch her. Her breathing gets heavier and heavier until she buries her face in my neck, grabbing my t-shirt in both of her fists, and pulls so hard the shoulder seams start to rip.

Eventually, she lets out a deep sigh. She wraps her arms around my neck and I hold her tight, our breathing slowing down until we're both breathing in and out to the exact same rhythm.


	3. Chapter 3

I don't know how long we've been asleep, but I know it's still the middle of the night. I'm lying on my back and Tris is sound asleep, her head on my chest, one leg draped over my leg. I listen to her slow and steady breathing and it calms me. Nights, for me, usually alternate between insomnia and intense nightmares. It's nice to lie here in the dark and not feel the impending dread of what sleep might bring. The only physical contact I have ever known has been violent, so to be this close to someone and feel the warmth of their body is unknown to me. What I do know is that I like it.

I don't remember falling asleep again, but when I wake up, we're both lying on our sides, our bodies pressed close together and my arm around her waist. I have no idea how we both move around in our sleep and end up intertwined together without waking up. I bury my head in her hair and inhale the floral fragrance of her shampoo. I match my breathing to hers, taking slow breaths in and out. Suddenly she lets out a quick gasp and then her breathing becomes shallow. Her hips and elbow jerk back and I can tell one of her nightmares is starting. I wonder what haunts her in her sleep. Is it something from her fear landscape or something real?

"No," she cries out and whimpers quietly. I pull her tighter, clasping my arm across her chest.

"It's okay," I whisper in her ear. "You're safe," I say, hoping she can hear me through whatever imaginary evil she's facing. Her breathing slows again, and she returns to normal sleep. I have never felt more protective of anyone in my life. I didn't even know I was capable of it since no one has ever protected me. But when I imagine someone harming Tris, rage just boils up inside of me. I don't want anything to hurt her, ever.

When I first came to Dauntless, it took me a long time to learn to trust anyone. Eventually I made friends but I always kept part of myself locked up and guarded. That changed when I met Tris. I don't know what it is about her but I trust her completely and I want to let her inside. She thinks I'm strong, coming to her defence all the time but she has no idea how I've come to lean on her. Just the thought of her makes me stronger, makes me braver. She has given me more comfort then I could ever hope to give her.

Emotions I never knew existed and have never felt before start rising in me, and I start to breathe harder. I was so tired of being all alone and Tris has given me a glimpse of what life could be like when you have someone who cares about you. I feel tears welling up in my eyes._ What is happening to me? I never cry._ Tris was the one overwhelmed at the Celebration last night but now it's my turn. I fight the tears off for as long as I can, but then surrender and let them flow. I bury my head in her hair, struggling to understand all these new feelings until sleep claims me.

I wake up and Tris is still out cold. I remember sleeping for twelve hours after the final fear landscape of my initiation. I carefully unwrap myself from her and get up. I realize that she doesn't have any other clothes with her and I don't want her to have to walk around in her new dress with everyone knowing she didn't spend the night in her own bed.

I pass by the dorms and see Will and Christina just leaving. Perfect. When they see me, they both smile in a sly and knowing way. The secret's finally out so I guess this is what I can expect from her friends.

"I was wondering if you could grab some of Tris' things for me," I say to Christina. She keeps smirking at me and doesn't say anything. Luckily the dorm is almost empty and the people who are there are fast asleep. Christina goes to Tris' bunk and picks out some clothes. She has not wiped that smirk off of her face and I'm getting sick of it. I cross my arms and give her my sternest "Instructor Four" look and she just laughs.

"Oh, don't even try," she says pushing items of clothing into my stomach. She's right. Now that she's a full Dauntless member I have no authority over her and if she was ever scared of me she certainly isn't now. She's treating me like a lovesick teenager and I realize I have to stand there and take it, because that is what I am.

I stop by the cafeteria and pick up a couple of muffins and two coffees. I don't even know if Tris drinks coffee but I get her one just in case. My pace quickens on the way back to my apartment. I can't wait to see her. I've only been away from her for twenty minutes but I already miss her. I really am a lovesick teenager. I put my key in the door and quietly push it open in case she's still sleeping. As soon as I step through the doorframe a crushing pain fills my chest. The bed is empty. The bathroom door hasn't moved. She is gone.

A dozen thoughts turn around my head. Did she leave because when she woke up, I was gone and she was hurt because she didn't think I wanted to be there? Was she embarrassed about last night? Did I push her too fast? I'm exhausted from dealing with all the emotions from last night and I can't even think straight anymore. I hang my head down, my mind reeling.

Out of the corner of my eye I see the bathroom door move slightly. I look up. The door slowly opens and Tris, hair dripping wet from the shower, peeks around from behind it. I let out a noise that I've never made before. I stopped it as soon as it started, but if I had to name it, I'd say it was a sob.


	4. Chapter 4

"I brought you some clothes," I say, placing them on the bed. Tris timidly emerges from the bathroom, touching her wet hair.

"All your curls are gone," I say.

"Did you like them?" she asks. I don't know what answer she wants to hear, but I tell her the truth.

"I like your hair the way it is," I say, closing the distance between us. We stand inches apart, not touching, and then I tuck a wet strand of hair behind her ear. I let my fingers drift from her hair down the nape of her neck and over her tattoos, barely touching her skin.

We look at each other shyly. Something has shifted between us, grown deeper. We were both exposed and vulnerable last night, only I didn't have the courage to do it while Tris was awake.

Tris had made plans to meet up with Christina and Will so I decide to get the training room in order before I head back to my regular job in the control room. I would love to train the initiates every year if Eric wasn't involved. He manages to taint everything he touches.

I meet Zeke and Lauren for lunch at our usual time. I catch up with them outside the dining hall. Uriah's with them, bouncing around like a five year old.

"You dirty dog!" Uriah says as he fake punches me in the gut. "You are smooth, man. I had no idea you and Tris were together." As irritating as I find Uriah at this moment, his reaction confirms that Zeke did in fact keep my secret. I had confessed to him a week ago that I liked Tris and that we had been seeing each other. I asked him not to tell anyone and he was true to his word.

"Man, I really had no idea," Uriah says and then punches me in the gut - no fake about it. I grab his wrist and hold it steady, inches away from my stomach. One twist and I could snap his wrist in half.

"Okay, let's go into lunch, Uriah," Zeke says, putting a hand on his shoulder and guiding him away from me. He knows I will only tolerate so much from his younger brother, and he's definitely pushing it. I will put up with taunting from Tris' friends because I have to, but I will not put up with it from mine.

"We'll meet up with you guys in a minute," Lauren says and she waits till they go through the doors before she turns to me. "I talked to my friend who's in charge of the new member's apartments and she worked it so that Tris and her friends are in our building and Peter is in the building by the rail yards."

"Thanks. The further he is from her the better," I say. Simply hearing Peter's name makes my hands clench into fists.

"It's actually perfect because a few of the higher ups are in Peter's building so he'll think he was put there because he's special."

"Oh, he's special all right," I say and turn to go into the dining hall. Lauren puts her hand on my arm.

"I want to tell you how happy I am about you and Tris. You deserve some happiness," she says, giving my arm a squeeze.

"Oh and also," she says facing me head on, "You totally rocked that dance move I showed you," she says shoving me in the shoulders. We both laugh as we enter the dining hall.

I scan the room for Eric as I do every time I walk in here. If he's in here, I either make sure I sit so I'm not facing him or I turn around and leave. Luckily, today, I will eat in peace. Actually, now that I think of it, I haven't seen Eric since the announcements. I don't remember even seeing him at the Celebration. I was pretty distracted by Tris but I can usually feel him watching me. I definitely would have noticed if he had been watching Tris.

After lunch I head up to the control room. I'm not scheduled to start back there until tomorrow but I decide to check in with my replacement. When I reach the door, it's locked. I knock, and after an unusually long wait, the door opens a crack and Eric stares back at me through the slit.

"You're not slated back until tomorrow," Eric says coldly. "I'm taking care of things today." I try and look behind Eric and when he moves to close the door I see her; Jeanine, the Erudite leader. Eric slams the door and I can't move, every muscle in my body tenses up. This is not good. They're planning something and I have to find out what it is.

On my way back to my apartment I see Tris standing by the railing of the chasm.

"Hey," I say when I'm about three feet away so I don't startle her. She turns and her eyes are a little sad. "Are you all right?" I ask.

"I don't know," she shrugs. "I was thinking about Al, and Peter, and Drew. I guess I just wanted to stand here until I didn't feel sad, or hurt, or angry, or scared."

"Yeah? How's that going?"

"Not very well," she lets out a little laugh, and turns back to face the chasm, her hands gripping the railing. I stand behind her, and place my hands beside hers so I'm surrounding her, but not touching her. Her back is rigid and her knuckles are turning white from gripping the railing so tight. I lean down slightly so my mouth is beside her ear.

"Those feelings aren't going to go away. They're part of you now. You just have to decide where you're going to put them." She sighs and her shoulders deflate a little. "You don't have to be so strong all the time you know," I say, in a low voice. I lean forward but keep my arms rigid. She exhales and leans back into my chest and we stand listening to the roar of the chasm while she lets me be strong for both of us.


	5. Chapter 5

**Okay, people, I'm going to have to ask/beg for reviews because only two people have commented on the last two chapters and I don't know whether it's worth pursuing this post initation/pre war storyline. Please let me know what you think and if it's worth continuing.**

**Thanks.**

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All the new members moved into their apartments this morning and Uriah is throwing a big party tonight to celebrate. Tris bought a new long sleeved black shirt that is a little more form-fitting than she's used to. She has already asked me three times if I'm sure it's not too tight. When she asks Christina if her clothes are too tight, Christina just laughs at her. I'm the only one who understands the strangeness of clothes that aren't baggy.

When we walk into Uriah's apartment, I can tell by all the bottles on the kitchen counter that he and Zeke have fully stocked the bar for tonight. They are the masters of getting their hands on alcohol. Uriah pushes drinks in our hands as soon as we arrive. I watch as Tris takes her first sip and she twists her mouth like she just ate a rotten lemon. I put my hand on the small of her back and smile.

"Mmmmm, delicious," she says sarcastically.

Christina comes over to us and grabs Tris' hand. "I'm stealing her," she says, pulling Tris away.

I head through the crowd and reach Zeke and Lauren. I see Will hanging out with some of the other guys. I guess that's what we do. We leave the girls to giggle and steal looks at us and then giggle some more.

The music is nice and loud and I have to admit, I'm enjoying how relaxed the alcohol makes me feel. I enjoy being on the edge of the party, watching people, observing. It's what I've always done. Tris and Christina get up to dance and Uriah joins them. I love to see Tris this carefree; even if it is courtesy of the drinks she's had.

Zeke and Lauren dance for a while and then he comes back to the kitchen to mix another drink. Following right behind him is Shauna. She has been eyeing me for a while and I've been attempting to avoid her.

She sidles up to me, her eyes heavy.

"So, you and Tris, huh?" She slides her hand down my arm. "I would have thought you'd like your women with a bit more meat on them," she says, pushing her chest towards me. I react to her the exact same way I've done since we were initiates together two years ago. I ignore her until she goes away. I thought once she knew about Tris she would stop flirting with me but I guess I won't be so lucky.

Shauna finally moves along.

"She's never going to stop, is she?" I ask.

"Hey, there are worse things in the world than pretty girls hitting on you," Zeke says.

"I'm going to need your help tomorrow," I say quietly, leaning in so no one else hears me. "The control room has a camera trained on the computers now. I imagine Eric is watching it from somewhere. I need to look at those files again. The ones I told you about, and I need you to run interference."

"Just let me know when," Zeke says.

Later, I've lost sight of Tris. I find her on the couch with Christina.

"Tob….ah…Four! C'mere." Tris yells when she sees me, her voice thick.

"Did you just call him Tobafour?" Christina squeals. "That is a terrible nickname."

Christina's eyes are half shut. I don't know how Tris has managed to keep up with her friends, considering her size, but she has. No doubt she'll pay for it later.

"Do that thing with your shirt. I told Christina about it and she wants to see it."

"What thing with my shirt?" I ask.

She leans heavily into Christina. "It's so cool, you have to see it, he just goes 'whoosh' and it's off, I don't know how he does it."

Uriah shows up with two more full glasses and hands them to Tris and Christina. I follow him back to the kitchen. "Hey, take it easy with Tris; she's never had anything to drink before."

"She's not in Abnegation anymore, Four. Let her have some fun," he says with a little too much attitude. He pours a couple more drinks and goes to deliver them across the room.

"What the hell's up with your brother?" I say to Zeke.

"Just let it go," he says.

A little while later, Zeke points to Christina. "Looks like somebody's had a little too much fun." Christina is now flopped over the arm of the couch, passed out.

"Yeah, it's probably time I get Tris out of here."

"Just don't take her by way of the Pit," he says with a laugh. The first time I got drunk I was trying to keep up with Zeke and his buddies who had about a year of drinking under their belts before I even got to Dauntless. I threw up right in the middle of the Pit. Zeke never lets me live that down.

I turn toward Tris and stop dead. My fingers curl into fists and my heart jumps to my throat.

Uriah is snuggled in beside Tris, whispering in her ear.

He slides his arm along the back of the couch behind her head and he puts his other hand on her knee. He keeps whispering in her ear, sliding his hand up her leg_. What the hell is that little punk doing?_ I move in front of them before he can go any further. It takes all the resolve I have to not grab the hand that's on her leg and break every single finger. I take a deep breath.

"We should go," I say, looking directly into Tris' eyes and ignoring Uriah completely. I hold out my hand to Tris. She places her hand in mine and I pull her to her feet.

"Tris, you don't have to go. Stay if you want," Uriah says, reaching for Tris' other hand which slips right through his.

"I'm having fun though," she says to me quietly.

I put my hand on the small of her back and pull her in close.

I whisper in her ear. "Why don't we go back to my apartment and I can do that thing with my shirt you like so much," I lean down and kiss her on the mouth, slowly.

She tilts her head back slightly, her eyes closed. "We can't go yet. I want Christina to see you do it," she whispers back.

"She's sleeping. I can show her another time," I whisper. I nibble her ear until she starts giggling.

"Okay," she sighs.

"Kiss me again," I whisper in her ear. She puts her fingers lightly on my cheek and I don't make a move. She puts her fingers on my lips and then she kisses me. I wrap my arm around Tris' waist and guide her towards the door.

I look over my shoulder to Uriah. "Thanks for the party," I say with a smirk. He looks at me, his eyes hard, a mix of anger and envy.

I know Tris wanted to stay but I know from experience that we have to get back to my apartment before the ground drops from under her and the world starts spinning.

She leans on me all the way back to my apartment. When we get inside she puts her hands under my t-shirt.

"Do your shirt thing," she slurs.

"I will in a minute," I say. I still don't know what 'shirt-thing' she's talking about. I grab a rubber band from my dresser and hold it out to her.

"Why don't you put your hair up in a bun?"

"I thought you liked my hair down," she says.

"I do, but put it in a bun anyway."

"Okay," she says. It takes her a few tries to grab the rubber band from my palm. She twists her hair into a bun, but then it spills loose again as she loses her balance.

"Whoa," she says, putting her arms out to steady herself.

I put my hands on her sides. "I got you."

I hold her steady as she ties her hair up in a messy bun. When she's finished she raises her arms up in triumph and I give her a hug. She leans on me heavily until I'm practically holding her up.

"Tris, are you okay?" I ask.

"I don't feel so good," she says thickly. I guide her to the bathroom and she gets sick. It will be the first of many visits to the bathroom tonight.

I feel a twinge of guilt for putting on that display in front of Uriah, but then rage replaces my guilt. That kid can have any girl he wants, and he knew Tris and I were together. Why would he mess with that? I just wanted him to know in no uncertain terms that Tris was with me.

I have never felt this close to anyone before. I have never trusted anyone so completely. I know I'm falling in love with her. I will not give that up for some sixteen year old boy who just wants another notch on his belt.


	6. Chapter 6

**Thanks to all the folks who submitted reviews. It spurred me on. Here we go...**

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"Hey, how do you feel?" I ask Tris when she finally wakes up. I'm sitting on the edge of the bed and I've been watching her sleep. Her eyes open slightly and she winces.

"It feels like the drummer from a marching band got lost and decided to hang out in my head."

"Yeah, that sounds about right," I say. I get a cloth and run it under cold water. I wring it out and then place it on her forehead. She closes her eyes.

"Do you remember the end of the party?" I ask. She puts her hand on the cloth and raises her head slightly.

"Why? What did I do?"

"Nothing, you were perfect. I just wondered if you remembered Christina passing out on the couch," I say, happy she doesn't remember the whole Uriah thing.

"Christina passed out?" she says incredulously.

"You were the last one standing," I say. I hook my finger behind her ear and rub her cheek with my thumb. She smiles slightly.

"I'm going to have to go to work soon. I got you some crackers and stuff in case you're hungry. Hang out here as long as you want." She puts her hand over mine and closes her eyes. I don't want to leave but I force myself to stand up.

I go to my dresser and get out a clean t-shirt. I reach across and grab the hem of my shirt and pull it swiftly over my head. I glance in the mirror and see Tris looking at me. I can tell from across the room that she's blushing. I turn around.

"Is that the shirt thing you kept talking about?" a curl forming on my lip.

"What shirt thing?" she says, without much conviction.

I go to the control room and resume my daily functions, settling into my old routine. I scan the room to see if Eric made any other changes other than the surveillance camera behind me. It's partially hidden but not very well. I've spent too many hours in this room not to notice a little change like that. I imagine the room is wired as well so I told Zeke to keep the conversation casual when he comes in. I told him not to come until seven thirty, since I'm doing the afternoon shift today. It gives me time to check all the codes on the gates. I memorize the new numbers.

There's a knock on the door at seven thirty, right on schedule.

"Come in," I yell.

"Hey, some of the guys are getting together, wanna come?" Zeke asks as he moves behind me. He should just be tall enough to hide the main computer screen while I look up the files again.

"Sure, just give me a minute," I say, trying to sound normal. I quickly open the file and notice there's a new document. Zeke puts his hands behind his head and pretends to stretch. The document has a list of meetings between Eric and the Erudite. The next one is scheduled for the following day in the Erudite compound. It lists the time and location so I make a mental note of it and then check out the other files.

"Listen, I want to talk to you about Uriah," he says. _What is he doing? I told him to keep it casual._

"Let's talk about that later, okay," I try to say as evenly as possible.

"He's a good kid. He just…"

"Zeke!" I quickly close all the files. When I get up to go I try to look emotionless. "Let's go."

"What the hell was that?" I snap, as soon as we're outside the control room.

"I'm sorry, I forgot," he stammers.

"Forgot? That was the only thing you had to do in there. Stand behind me and act casual."

"I've been trying to figure out how to talk to you about this and I figured since we were alone."

"But we weren't alone. Who knows who was watching," I snap at him.

"I'm sorry; I just have to tell you."

"Then tell me," I say.

"Uriah told me he liked Tris a few days after you told me. I didn't know what to do. I tried to discourage him but he wouldn't listen."

"I don't want to hear anymore." I turn to leave, but I stop. "I don't know why I'm asking based on your performance in there, but can you do something else with me tomorrow? Check out a meeting Eric is having with the Erudite."

"Yes, of course," he says.

"Okay, meet me at the tracks at ten," I say and walk away.

I walk toward the pit and pass a dark hallway and see a couple standing close together. My head snaps back when I realize it's Tris and Uriah. I see him lean in and kiss her. I stop for a second and then punch the wall in front of me. I want to throw up. Instead, I turn and run.

I'm running but I don't know where I'm going, I just know I have to get as far away from what I just saw as I can. I run to the only place I feel safe – the training room. I grab one of the punching bags and wail on it for at least an hour, until I'm spent and I fall to the ground in a heap, gasping for air. I finally allow the thoughts I've been fighting off to enter my head.

How long has this been going on? Tris didn't exactly push Uriah away at the party. I put my hands over my head to keep my head from spinning. How could I have thought I was special? I knew I shouldn't have trusted anyone. How could I have been so stupid?

I collapse onto my back. The floor is cool, calming. The hard cement swallows my thoughts for the moment, letting me breathe. Eventually I force myself to get up. I'm exhausted and I want to go home.

I turn down my hallway and I see her.

She's sitting in front of my door but jumps up when she sees me.

"Tobias, I've been looking all over for you," Tris says. I look at her coldly, saying nothing.

"What's wrong?" she asks, reaching out for my hand, which I keep out of her reach. I put my key in the door.

"Your hand, it's bleeding," she says. I look down. I hadn't noticed, but my knuckles are split and the blood has already started to cake and dry. I notice the knuckles on her hand are red. I pull my hand away before she can touch me.

"What's going on with you?" she asks.

"What's going on with you?" I snap back.

"What do you mean?"

I push past her and open my door. She follows me in, grabbing my arm which I jerk away.

"Tobias? Why are you so mad?"

"Are you kidding me right now," I growl.

"I don't know what's going on. Tell me what's wrong," she pleads.

"Why did you do this?" I snap.

"What?"

"I saw you kissing Uriah! I saw you!" I scream in a voice I don't recognize.

"I didn't kiss him! He kissed me!" she screams back.

"What's the difference?"

"There's a difference," she says.

How can she stand there and pretend this doesn't matter. That this isn't ripping me to my core. That the only person I ever chose to trust hasn't just betrayed me for some punk kid. I look at her, searching her eyes, looking for something I can grasp.

I find nothing.

"I don't think I can trust you anymore," I say quietly.

"I don't understand what's happening. Tobias, tell me what's happening?" She pleads, her eyes moist.

"I want you to go," I say, almost whispering.

"I'm not going anywhere," she says, her voice hoarse.

I contemplate throwing her out of my room but I know she would just put up a fight and I don't have it in me to do it.

"Fine, stay, but I can't talk to you anymore."

I turn out the lights, lie on my bed and stare at the ceiling. She lies down on the other side of the bed, tentatively. We lie there for a long time not saying anything, not touching.

She reaches out for my hand and I move it away. I stare into the darkness. My world is breaking apart.

I hear Tris crying quietly and I know she's hurting, but I can't comfort her because I'm hurting more.


	7. Chapter 7

**I didn't want to leave you hanging too long so I've been writing as fast as I can. **

* * *

I wake up and I glance over at Tris. Neither one of us has moved in the night. She's still sleeping so I quietly get up, grab what I need and leave.

I wait at the tracks for Zeke. When he shows up he's got Uriah with him. My fingers curl into fists and the fire that's been raging in my stomach since last night rises to my face. I move toward them with every intention of kicking the crap out of Uriah but Zeke holds his arm out to stop me.

"What is he doing here?" I seethe. I can see he has a black eye, it looks recent. Obviously I'm not the only one who wants to beat him to a pulp.

"He's going to help us. And you guys are going to have to work this out," he says. I hear the train coming and I turn away from them and start running. I grab the handle and swing into the car. Zeke and Uriah jump in after me. I stand in the doorway, grabbing the handles on either side. I let the wind whip through me; hoping it clears my mind. Uriah comes and stands right behind me.

"Get away from me," I snarl at him. He backs off and sits down.

We jump off at the abandoned part of Erudite. The buildings are empty and we quietly move through the streets until I find the building where the meeting will be. We enter and find a place to hide.

Something doesn't feel right about this. Why would they pick this building, when Eric clearly doesn't need to hide from anyone? Something in my gut tells me it's a set-up. I motion to Zeke that we should leave and we make our way across the street. We find an open door in the building across from the one we were just in and make our way up to the second floor. It gives us a perfect view of where we just were. The sun is behind the building we're in so if anyone were to look up at the second floor the sun would be in their eyes. We each take a spot by a window and wait.

Uriah has left his post and is suddenly beside me.

"I just wanted to say 'no hard feelings' about Tris, okay."

"What is it with you and your brother?" I ask, amazed.

"What?"

"You pick the absolutely worst time to try and have a conversation," I say. "I'm not doing this right now, Uriah."

"But…."

"Seriously! Get back to your lookout," I snap. But before he can move I catch some movement out of the corner of my eye.

"Get down," I say to Uriah.

Three men creep along the side of the building we were just in – and they're armed. I'm confused because they look like they're from Dauntless. They enter the building cautiously, like they know we'll be in there. We have a perfect view of them from where we're crouched. They search the building and when they don't find us they file outside. One of them has a walkie-talkie and he speaks into it. I can only assume that Eric is on the other end. I was set up. That file with the meetings was fake but Eric knew I'd find it. At least I foiled him this time. But this tells me two things: he's definitely watching me and he's definitely far more dangerous than I thought he was.

We carefully make our way back to the tracks, making sure we're not seen. Luckily we only have to wait a few minutes for a train.

I sit with my back against the wall and Uriah cautiously approaches me again. I might as well get this over with.

"What?" I snap. He leans against the wall across from me.

"I just wanted to tell you that I didn't do what I did lightly. I mean I have real feelings for Tris."

"That makes two of us," I say.

"I know. I just want you to know that I wouldn't have tried to make a move on her just for the fun of it, is what I'm trying to say." He gets up to move to the other side of the rail car.

"Well, I guess we'll just have to wait and see who she chooses," I say. He stops and looks at me, confused.

"Chooses?" he asks.

"Yeah, I saw her kissing you, so I know there's something going on," I say coldly, not meeting his eyes.

"Well you must not have been watching very long, because about three seconds after I tried to kiss her she hauled off and punched me in the eye," he says, pointing to his black eye.

"What?" my eyes look at him squarely.

"Four, anyone who sees you two together can see how strong a thing you have. I knew I never stood a chance, but I just had to try, you know, for my own sake. I just had to know I tried." He moves over to me and holds out his hand. "I'm sorry," he says. I shake his hand but I feel nothing. All I feel is the weight that has just fallen into my stomach. It's so heavy I don't think I'll ever be able to stand up again.

What have I done? I told her I didn't trust her. _Why can't I ever trust anyone?_

As soon as we get back to Dauntless I search everywhere for her. Then I remember where she went when she said she was trying not to feel sad anymore. I head to the chasm and I see her. I get within a few feet of her and I stop. I feel like I'm teetering on a ledge and I could either fall into a dark abyss or fall into the bright light of her eyes.

"Hey," I say. She turns around, and her breath catches when she sees me. I can tell she's been crying and her eyes look so sad. I hate that it was me who made her feel that way. I am the one who's supposed to protect her from getting hurt, not be the cause of it.

She stands waiting, searching my eyes.

"I'm sorry," I say, and she leaps into my arms. She squeezes me so tight I can hardly breathe but I don't care.

"I thought I lost you," she says.

"Never," I say into her hair, "never." I slowly lower her back down so her feet are on the ground and then I cradle her face in my hands, our foreheads touching.

"I didn't kiss him," she says.

"I know you didn't, I'm sorry. I saw you in that hallway with him and he leaned in to kiss you and that's all I saw. I went crazy. I kept picturing you with him and I couldn't see straight." A faint curl is forming on her lips. I pull my head back.

"Are you smiling?" She puts her hand up to cover her mouth.

"I'm sorry," she says with a little laugh. It's just that no one has ever been jealous of me before and I…..I like how it feels."

"Well, please don't like it too much because I don't want to feel that way ever again," I say.

She looks at me, the smile wiped from her lips.

"I don't want to feel that way ever again, either," she says.

There's another party tonight and I don't want to go but Tris thinks we should blow off some steam together. Someone hands us each a drink. She looks up at me and I raise my eyebrow slightly.

"I'm only having one this time. I don't want that marching band guy visiting me again."

I place my hand on the small of her back and lead her over to the empty couch. I sit against the arm and Tris sits so her back is against my chest. I wrap my arm around her. This time we're the ones sitting on the couch giggling. Well, Tris is the one doing all of the giggling; I'm the one whispering in her ear, saying the things that make her giggle.

It's here on the couch that she tells me how Uriah lured her down that dark hallway. He told her he was really upset about something and didn't feel comfortable telling anyone but her. She thought she was going to be able to help him with a problem and then he shoved his tongue down her throat. No wonder she punched him. If he comes anywhere near her tonight, I'm going to have to punch him. I don't think he will though; we've managed to create an invisible barrier between us and the rest of the party. No one, not even Christina, has even tried to approach us. I'm glad. I don't feel like sharing Tris with anyone tonight.

A good song starts playing and Tris gets up and starts swaying to the music. Her eyes are locked on mine and then she closes her eyes, tilts her head back slightly and lets the music take her. I get up and move in behind her, placing my hands on her hips. We move to the same rhythm, our bodies perfectly in sync. A slower song starts and she twists around and wraps her arms around my neck. I wrap my arms around the small of her back and pull her in tight. I kiss her on the neck and she puts her lips against my ear.

"Take me back to your apartment," she says in a throaty voice I've never heard before. I grab her hand and lead her out of the party.

Our steps are rushed, urgent._ When did the hallways get so long?_

I fumble with my keys and finally open the door.

As soon as we're inside, she shoves me back against the wall and kisses me. I slip my hands under her shirt and she grabs both my wrists and puts them against my sides, holding them there. She kisses me, harder. She releases my wrists and steps back.

"Take your shirt off," she says, her voice heavy, her breathing shallow.

"What?" I say. I've never seen Tris like this.

"Take your shirt off," she says again.

I lean back against the wall. Even though every part of me wants to rip my shirt off and rip hers off too, I stand there, watching her chest rise and fall with her shallow breaths, her beautiful eyes heavy with longing.

"You take it off," I say in a low voice. Her hands slip under my shirt and then travel up my chest. When the shirt is bunched around my neck I grab it and pull it over my head, tossing it to the floor. I move my hand under her shirt and touch her skin, the soft, pale skin that I daydream about touching all the time. She pushes my hand away.

She lays both her hands flat against my stomach and doesn't move them. She stares at my chest, taking deep breaths.

And then she starts fumbling with my belt. Her hands are shaking. She gets the buckle undone and starts unzipping my jeans. I put my hand over hers and stop her.

"Tris, you don't have to do this," I say.

Her eyes dart up to mine.

"Have to? Tobias, just because I'm scared doesn't mean I don't want to do this." She takes a deep breath. "I want to do this."

I lift my hands off hers. She unzips my jeans and pulls them down to my hips. She slips her fingers under the elastic of my underwear. Her hands shake as she pulls them down slowly. She gasps slightly, her eyes wide. Her eyes take me all in and then her fingertips drift over me lightly and I shiver. She's not the only who's scared. There's suddenly not enough air in the room, or else I've forgotten how to breathe.

"Show me," she whispers.

"What?"

She tilts her head up. "Show me how."

She wraps her hand around me and I wrap my hand over hers. I guide her hand and then I let go. I grab her hair and kiss her, my kisses growing more and more desperate until I'm just panting against her lips. Her lips leave mine and move down my neck and to my collarbone. She kisses my chest and I lean my head back against the wall, my breathing hard. Every fiber in my body is pulsing with pleasure.

I've never felt this good before.

And then it gets better.

I feel her mouth on me.

My knees buckle and I have to grab the wall behind me to steady myself. I hold my breath until eventually I have to gasp in air. I didn't know it was possible for my heart to beat this fast. My heavy breaths turn into moans, moans that I try to control until finally, I lose all control.

I take in deep breaths to recover, my heart starting to calm down.

I pull her up to me, grabbing her face in my hands. I kiss her, our tongues slowly and gently caressing each other. I don't want this moment to end. I could live in her kiss forever.

I've already said it but I need to say it again.

"Tris, I'm sorry I didn't trust you."

She lifts her head, her eyes glistening.

"Tobias, I'm yours. I've always been yours."

I kiss her again.

"And you're mine, right?" she asks.

I sigh into her lips.

"I've been yours since I pulled you out of that net and first saw those beautiful eyes."

She closes her eyes and inhales my words and then exhales into my mouth as I move in to kiss her again.


	8. Chapter 8

I walk into the dining hall to meet Tris for dinner and I stop dead in my tracks when I see Eric standing behind her, his head bent close to hers. Tris' back is rigid and her face is pale like she's seen a ghost. I move towards them but Eric is done talking to her and walks up to me.

"Four, I haven't seen you in a while," his lip piercings glint as he pretends to form a smile. "I was just catching up with your little girlfriend. I was asking her, since she hasn't picked her job yet, if she wouldn't mind helping me out with a project I'm working on."

"You stay away from her," I seethe.

"Oh, don't get all jealous now Four. I just might ask Uriah to join us as well," he smirks as he slithers away. A weight falls into the pit of my stomach. Eric must know that Tris and Uriah are Divergent.

"Tris are you okay," I ask. I sit beside her and put my arm across the back of her chair. She stares straight ahead like she's in a daze. "Tris!" I say louder which snaps her out of it. She looks at me, her eyes glistening and hugs me, clutching at my neck.

"What did he say to you," I say. She doesn't speak but just hugs me tighter. I will kill him if he does anything to her.

Tris is quiet for the rest of the night. I've asked her a few times what Eric said to her and she says it was nothing. I know it's far from nothing but the last thing I'm going to say to her is that I don't believe her. I just let her be. She puts on a brave face but when she doesn't think I'm looking at her I can see a haunted look in her eyes.

I see Zeke and Uriah in the dining hall the next morning and I go and sit with them. Uriah is unusually quiet and then I notice that he has the same haunted look that Tris had.

"I'm not hungry. I'm going to take a walk," Uriah gets up and leaves. I lean in to Zeke.

"I have to talk to you about something," I say quietly.

"Okay," Zeke says.

"Not here," I say and stand to leave. We walk down to the chasm and we both lean down, our elbows on the railing.

"I swore I would never tell anyone, but I have to now for his own safety," I say. "It's about Uriah. He's Divergent."

"I know," he says.

"You do? But how?"

"My mom is too," he says quietly, looking around. "She could tell that Uriah was and she told me so I could keep an eye on him."

"Did he tell you about Eric?" I ask.

"No."

"He told Tris and Uriah that he needed help with some project he was working on. He knows they're both Divergent." I clench my hands and squeeze my eyes shut after I realize what I just did. I just told Zeke about Tris. He shoots me a look.

"You can't tell anyone about Tris," I stammer.

"Four, your secret's safe with me. I just told you about my mom," he says.

"We have to find out what Eric's got planned. I'll try and get Tris to talk and you try and get it out of Uriah."

The next afternoon I decide to take Tris down to the base of the chasm. She knows that it's safe to talk there so if she's ever going to tell me what's going on, this is the place. When we get to the bottom, I sit on a flat rock and lean my back against a boulder. I pull her down so she's sitting in front of me. I wrap my arms around her and we sit like this for a long time.

"You know you can tell me anything," I say, breaking the silence.

"I know," she says. She lays her head back and I pull her in tighter. I wait, but that's the only thing she says. After a while, she twists around slightly so she can look me in the eyes. She runs her finger lightly over my lips.

"I…," she bites her lower lip. "I...," that's as far as she gets and then she kisses me. We kiss for a long time. Not the fast, desperate kind of kisses which you think could lead you somewhere else, but the slow, gentle kind of kisses where your lips share secrets.

I forget about Eric for the moment and I imagine that Tris wasn't going to tell me something about him but that she was about to tell me something else. Something I have wanted to say to her and I dreamt that she would one day say to me. This is what I imagine when I kiss her.

I'm not going to push her into telling me what's going on with Eric. Instead, I do the only thing that I can think of. I tell everyone I know and even some I don't that if they see Tris with Eric they have to come and find me immediately. So, a few days later, when I'm sitting in the dining hall with Zeke and a younger boy I hardly know but I remember speaking to runs in and starts scanning the room, I know he's looking for me. I jump up and run over to him.

"Where did you see them?" I ask.

"They were walking up to the glass ceiling," he says, a little breathless.

"Thanks little man. I owe you one," I say and then run as fast as I can. Zeke is behind me but I'm faster. I don't even think of how narrow the path is or how high I'm climbing, I just keep moving.

As I get closer to the simulation room I can hear screaming and yelling.

"When did you figure it out? Tell me!" Eric is the one who's yelling.

He has Tris pushed up against the wall by her neck, with a fist raised to her. Uriah is still in a simulation and he's the one who's screaming.

"Eric!" I shout. He lets Tris go and she collapses to the floor.

Zeke runs over to the computer.

"How do I stop it?" he yells to me. I run over to the computer and stop the simulation. Uriah falls into a heap on the floor, gasping. Zeke runs over to him and hunches over him in a bear hug. I want to rip Eric apart right now but Tris needs my attention more. I run over to her as Eric saunters away.

"You've gone too far this time. I'm reporting you to Max," I bark at him.

"Who do you think authorized this project," he says through gritted teeth as he walks away.

Tris' forehead is bleeding and her breathing is erratic. I pick her up gently. I try to breathe deeply as I make my way down the narrow steps but my breaths come in short gasps. I am now painfully aware of how high up we are, how one slip could send us both to a certain death. I just concentrate on putting one foot in front of the other. When I get to the bottom, I have to stop to catch my breath, my arms shaking. A large man with colorful tattoos that cover his arms right down to his wrists comes up to me.

"Let me help you," he says, reaching his arms out. I don't want to let Tris go, but I know we'll get there faster if I let him help me. I gently pass Tris over to him and we quickly get to the infirmary.

Two nurses run up to us, get Tris on a stretcher and then she disappears from my view. I turn to thank the man who helped me but he's already gone.

I sit waiting for I don't know how long; long enough for a feeling of dread to take over. If Max authorized Eric's project then he is actively searching out the Divergent, and he knows about Tris and Uriah. I'm startled out of my daze by a hand on my shoulder. I look up and Zeke and Lauren are beside me.

"How is she?" Zeke asks.

"I don't know. They took her in the back," I say. "How's Uriah?"

"He's still shook up from the simulation. He said he was aware in it but he couldn't get out of it like Tris did. He said Eric was furious that Tris figured out how to crack it. He thought Eric was going to kill her."

"But why did they agree to go with Eric in the first place? I don't understand. They're smarter than that."

"Eric told Uriah that he was going to torture our mom," he says. "And he told Tris he was going to torture you if she didn't help him. You don't want to know what he told them he would do," Zeke says, getting that haunted look that Uriah and Tris both had. "He is a sick bastard."

"How are we going to keep them safe?" I stop myself from saying anything else, remembering Lauren is here.

"It's okay," Zeke says, looking over at Lauren. "She knows about Uriah."

"Eric knows. Max knows. They all know now. I tried to cover it up but they still found out." I shake my head and wring my hands together. "How can we keep them safe?" I say, looking at Zeke. He just stares back at me because he doesn't have the answer and neither do I.

The nurse comes out. Her name is Carole. I recognize her because she is friends with Zeke's mom.

"How is she?" I ask.

"She has a bruised windpipe, and a deep cut over her eye, six stitches. But otherwise she's fine. She should get lots of rest though."

"Can I see her?" I ask. She motions for me to come to the back. I turn to Zeke and Lauren.

"I'll talk to you guys soon," I say and then make my way to the back of the infirmary.

Carole pulls back the curtain surrounding Tris' bed. She looks so small and fragile lying there, all covered with white sheets. Her throat is already starting to turn shades of black and blue. The cut above her eye has a butterfly bandage on it and the thick black stitches stand out against her pale skin.

"Is she your girlfriend?" Carole says. All I can muster is a nod.

I sit down beside her and hold her hand. Tris stirs and her eyes slowly blink open.

"Hey," I say when she opens her eyes. I want to touch her face but I don't want to hurt her.

"Hey," she says in a creaky voice and then winces.

"Your windpipe is bruised. The nurse said you shouldn't talk much."

"How did I get here?" she whispers.

"I brought you here. Zeke and I found you with Eric."

"But how did you get me down from there?" she whispers, knowing my fear of heights. I don't know how she does that. How she goes through such a harrowing event yet when she wakes, her first thought is concern for what I went through.

"Don't do that," my voice breaks. "Don't worry more about me."

She reaches up and puts her hand on my face. I put my hand over hers and shut my eyes.

I can't lose her. I have to keep her safe. I have to.


	9. Chapter 9

They kept Tris in the infirmary overnight because she was having some trouble breathing. They said I could pick her up at noon. The nurse said I had to keep her comfortable and since I had no idea what that actually meant, I asked the one person who would know for sure – Zeke's mom. She's the kind of mom everyone wished they had. She's funny and caring and warm but shakes her finger at you when you deserve it. She told Zeke to give her my keys and she would take care of everything while I went to pick Tris up.

The nurse gives me instructions on what to do if she's having trouble breathing again. When we leave, I wrap my arm around Tris' waist to help her walk. I take it really slow. We get about thirty feet and she stops suddenly.

"Are you okay? Are we walking too fast?" I ask.

"Yeah, we're walking too fast…..if I was eighty," she whispers. "My legs are fine; it's just my throat and my head that hurt."

I furrow my brow. "Too much?"

"Yeah, too much, let's just walk," she whispers, wincing a little. We walk side by side, but I keep my pace slower just so she doesn't think she has to keep up with me.

"Maybe I should just stay at my place. I don't want to be a pain," she says. I stop walking.

"Your place isn't even set up yet. There's nothing there but a bed and some towels." I take her hand.

"You're staying with me," I say. "I'm going to take care of you."

She smiles a small smile and keeps a hold of my hand.

I can tell she's exhausted by the time we reach my apartment but I don't let on. I open the door and Zeke's mom is standing over my bed, fluffing pillows. There must be five big pillows on the bed, instead of my one flat one, and there are extra blankets at the foot of the bed. There are books stacked on my bedside table and a tall glass of water beside them.

I smile at Zeke's mom and she comes over to where we are. She grabs Tris' hands in hers.

"Tris, this is Libby, Zeke and Uriah's mom," I say. Tris has a big smile on her face and her eyes are all lit up.

"Nice to meet you," Tris says, wincing.

Libby looks at Tris' black and blue neck and the stitched cut on her forehead. "Oh, you poor thing, is it painful?" She asks. Tris nods.

"Here, let's get you settled in," Libby says, leading Tris over to the bed. I head over to the kitchen to get a drink. I open the fridge and I see that Libby has fully stocked it with juices, homemade chocolate pudding, and casseroles with instructions taped on top of how to cook them. I lump forms in my throat. I watch Libby fussing over Tris, getting her set up on the bed. She props pillows up behind her and grabs one of the wool throws she brought and lays it over her legs. I stay in the kitchen because I can tell Tris is really enjoying being comforted by Libby. It's times like these when you want your mom taking care of you, and since Tris' mom isn't here, Libby is the next best thing. She sits on the bed beside Tris and places a hand on her cheek. She talks quietly to her. I can't hear what she's saying but it sounds comforting and soothing. Tris doesn't answer back but just nods occasionally. Libby kisses Tris' cheek and then stands up and comes over to me.

"Thanks...….for everything." I meant to say more but that lump rises in my throat again and won't let me get any more words out. She touches me on the cheek.

"She's just lovely," she says, and all I can do is nod because that damn lump is not going anywhere. She turns, waves to Tris, and then leaves. I go and sit on the bed. Tris' eyes are moist.

"Too much?" my lip curls. She shakes her head.

"No, it's perfect," she whispers. I touch her cheek lightly. A stray tear falls and I wipe it away with my thumb.

We spend the afternoon sitting in bed, reading books and eating chocolate pudding. When night comes, I go to the bathroom and change into some cotton pajama pants and a t-shirt. I get out one of my t-shirts for Tris to wear.

"Here," I say, handing her the t-shirt. You'll be more comfortable in this. I'll help you take your pants off."

"I don't need help," she says, but I just do it anyway. I unzip her jeans and pull them down around her ankles and take them off.

"I have to say, whenever I've imagined you taking my pants off, it was never quite like this," she says.

"So, you think about me taking your pants off?" Her cheeks go bright red. I think my cheeks go a little red too. "Change into the t-shirt. I'll turn around." I turn around and then I glance in the mirror above my dresser and realize I can see her. I avert my eyes but then they somehow drift over again and I sneak another look. She has her shirt off and she reaches behind her back to unclasp her bra. When the bra falls away from her I catch my breath. I look away and wait.

"Okay, you can turn around," she says. I turn out the bedside table lamp and I slide into bed facing her. We're inches apart.

"Thanks for doing all this," she says quietly.

"You can thank Libby. I've never taken care of anyone before and I don't know what I'm doing," I say. I reach over and stroke her hair.

"You're doing fine," she says and puts her hand on my chest. It reminds me of the other night when she had her hands on my stomach, waiting, building up her nerve. I remember how she made me feel and a yearning starts bubbling up in my stomach. I can see the same yearning in her eyes too. I touch her cheek lightly.

I kiss her, gently, carefully, not wanting to hurt her neck.

"It's okay," she whispers, and leans in and kisses me harder. I'm still being careful, but then she tangles her fingers in my hair, and her tongue finds mine. I kiss her deeper, my body shifting closer. I slide my hand under her t-shirt and slowly move my way up, wanting to feel the soft, pale skin that I just glimpsed in the mirror. My fingers move along each rib until I reach her soft breast. I cup my hand around it and then I rub my thumb over her nipple, feeling it getting harder under my touch. She pants against my lips in between kisses. I move on top of her, I feel her legs starting to wrap around me. I kiss her harder.

She lets out a yelp.

I snap out of it and jump off her. She grabs her neck and starts wheezing. _Damn it! What did the nurse tell me to do if she had trouble breathing?_

"Sit up!" I remember, finally. I help her sit up and prop one of the pillows behind her. She grabs my hand and squeezes it tight, her eyes panicked.

"It's okay," I say calmly. "Just breathe." I breathe in and out deeply and she starts to mimic my rhythm. The wheezing finally subsides and she's breathing normally again.

"Maybe we should cool it until you're better," I say. I bring her hand up to my mouth and kiss it.

"Maybe," she whispers.

I hope she gets better fast.


	10. Chapter 10

Last night, Tris' nightmares were the worst they've ever been. I blame Eric. Whatever he told her he would do to me has bled into her dreams and won't let her rest. She would yell my name, always in a panic. The first time it happened, I woke her up, hoping to snap her out of it, but it was like it was real to her. It took me twenty minutes to calm her down and convince her I wasn't hurt. After that, when her nightmares hit, I just wrapped my arms around her and spoke softly in her ear until it passed.

In the morning, I lay with my head propped up on my elbow, tracing her bruised neck lightly with my fingers. Tris wakes up and scrunches her face when she realizes I've been staring at her. She grabs the hand that's been touching her neck and pulls it away.

"How does your throat feel? Is it still sore?" I ask.

"Yeah, it feels like I've been yelling," she says, swallowing hard. I touch her bruised neck again.

"How does it look?" she asks.

"It looks good," I say.

"Really, is the bruising gone?"

"No, but now it's purple and green as well," I say, my lips curling.

"I can't go out like this. I need to get a shirt that'll cover it up," she says.

"Why don't you go shopping with Christina? Pick out some things for your apartment while you're at it," I say.

"Are you trying to get rid of me," she asks, smirking.

"No." I stroke her hair and lean over and kiss her. "I love having you here," I say, and kiss her again. Her lips curl into a smile. I touch her face, tracing the curve of her bottom lip with my thumb. Her lips part and she exhales and I feel her warm breath on my fingers. I lean in and kiss her again, deeper, our tongues finding their familiar rhythm. I shift my body closer until I'm pressed right against her.

She stops.

"I thought we said we were going to cool it till I was better," she says.

"Oh yeah, we did say that didn't we," I say, stealing another quick kiss. I get up, grab a glass of orange juice and put it on the bedside table. She sits up and wraps her arms around her knees.

"I'm going to have a shower, and see about cooling off," I say. She smiles shyly.

I have to go back to work, but I don't want to leave Tris alone with Eric roaming around. I came up with a plan in the night. I wait for Tris to get in the shower and then I head to Christina's apartment.

She's a little surprised to see me when she opens the door.

"Is Tris okay?" she says

"She's fine. Well she's still totally bruised but…..listen, I don't have a lot of time. Tris is in the shower. Can you spend the day with her, shopping for stuff for her apartment?"

"Sure," she says, a little skeptical. "What's going on?"

"Her windpipe is still bruised, and sometimes she has trouble breathing. I don't want her to be alone in case it happens. But she has to think it was your idea to go shopping. If she thinks you're just there to watch her she'll….. well, you know how stubborn she can be," I say.

"Tell me about it," she says, rolling her eyes. "A covert shopping operation, I love it!"

"Okay, thanks," I say and hurry back to my apartment.

Tris is still in the shower when I get back, so I get ready for work. By the time I leave, Christina has come and convinced Tris to go shopping. I mouth 'thank you' to her as I leave.

I head to the dining hall on my lunch break but the nurses have set up a booth by the entrance. I have to see them before they let me in to eat. They're giving everyone a needle. I recognize Carole from the infirmary and I stand in front of her.

"Four, how's Tris doing?" she asks.

"Much better; she's still totally bruised but she's not as sore," I say. I bend my head, exposing my neck to her.

"What are the needles for?" I ask.

"Something about a virus they're trying to keep out of Dauntless," she says, not seeming to know exactly what's she's injecting me with.

When I walk back into the control room I find Max standing over the computers. He turns to face me slowly.

"Max," I say through gritted teeth.

"Four," he nods. "I understand you interrupted Eric's project the other day," he says coldly. I move closer to him.

"I interrupted Eric attempting to kill my girlfriend, but if you want to call it a 'project' than yes, I did," I say.

"Identifying and experimenting on the Divergent has become a top priority for Dauntless, and I expect you to cooperate," he looks me squarely in the eyes.

"And if I don't?" I say, a little angrier than I planned on.

"There might not be a place for you here anymore."

"In the control room?"

"No, in Dauntless." Max turns to leave.

I start laughing. Max spins around.

"You find this funny?" he snarls.

"You wouldn't understand," I say with a smirk.

"You know Four, I had such high hopes for you but you've disappointed me," he says and turns to go.

"I can say the same for you," I say. He slams the door on his way out. A few months ago, I had decided to leave Dauntless, the new and vicious Dauntless, and become factionless. I would have left if I hadn't met Tris. She made me change my mind. And now that I've decided to stay and build a life here, they're going to make me leave anyway. The irony of it makes me laugh but when I actually think about what this means, it doesn't seem so funny.

I head back to my apartment and wait for Tris. I lie down on the bed and try to think this thing through.

There's a pounding on my door.

"It's me, let me in! Let me in!" It's Tris.

I run to the door and let her in. She rushes through the door, her arms loaded with bags of stuff.

"Shut the door!"

"What's going on?" I say, worried.

"It's Christina, she just wants to keep shopping and shopping. I can't do it. I had to ditch her," she says breathlessly. I'm so relieved that it has nothing to do with Eric that I let out a laugh.

"It's not funny! We've been shopping ALL DAY!" she throws down her bags and sits on the bed. She's wearing a scarf tied around her neck to cover her bruising. It's black with red flames printed on it. I move over to her and touch the scarf.

"Very nice," I say, my lips curling into a smile.

"Ugh!" She yanks at the scarf until she unravels it and then throws it on the floor.

"I can't do it! I can't be one of those girls who shops all day," she says.

There's a knock at the door.

"Four, it's Christina." _Oh, crap._ Tris jumps off the bed and moves to the kitchen to hide. I open the door a crack.

"I'm sorry, she got away from me. I lost her," she says.

"It's okay, she's here," I say as quietly as I can but I know Tris has heard me. "Thanks," I whisper and close the door.

I turn to face Tris who has her mouth open in disbelief and when I have nothing to say in response her look shifts to pure anger.

"How dare you!" she spits out.

"Let me explain," I say, moving toward her.

"Do you think I'm a baby? That I need a babysitter?" She seethes. She moves to the door and opens it. Before she gets out, I slam the door shut and hold my arm against it. She struggles to open it but it doesn't budge.

"I'm not doing this again," I say.

"Doing what?" she snaps, letting go of the doorknob.

"I'm not having a misunderstanding spiral out of control until we're fighting again. You're just going to have to trust me. I'll tell you everything, just not here. Are you up for a train ride?" I ask.

"Always," she says through gritted teeth.

We make our way to the train tracks, neither one of us speaking. We don't have to wait long for a train. I run alongside it, grab the handle and jump up. I turn, and reach out my arm for Tris. She grabs it and easily swings into the rail car. She leans against one of the walls with her arms crossed and a scowl on her face. I can tell she's not ready to listen to me yet so I grab the handles and stretch out of the door and let the wind whip through me. I stretch way out, just my toes and fingertips keeping me connected to the rail car. I close my eyes and inhale the wind. I glance back at Tris and she doesn't look mad anymore, more frustrated.

"What?" I yell to her. She moves over to me.

"I really want to do that but my arms are too short," she yells over the roar of the tracks. I lean back into the car and let go of one of the handles.

"Hook your arms around mine," I say, motioning her to move in front of me. She steps in front of me, steadies her feet and then wraps her arms over mine. I grab the other handle again.

"Ready!" I yell. She nods yes. "Hang on!" I yell and then move us forward until we're both leaning out of the car. She starts screaming with joy; her hair whipping around us both.

"It feels like flying!" she yells. We lean out farther than we should, the wind whipping by us so fast it's hard to breathe.

"I love this!" she yells. She's so alive right now she's electric.

We stay like this until the train slows and the wind dies down. We move inside the car, both leaning against the wall for support. Tris' hair is windswept and wild. We both smile, our breaths heavy. I grab Tris' arm and pull her to me, burying my face in her hair. She smells like the wind. I spin her around and brace my arms against the wall so I'm hovering over her. She leans back against the wall. I bend my elbows and lean down closer.

"I….," I shut my eyes tight. I don't know how to start. "I….," I stop myself. I'm going to tell her everything, but I can't just yet. It'll change everything and I'm not ready. I lean down and kiss her, slowly.

I put my forehead against hers.

"Talk to me. What's going on?" she says, touching my face. I shake my head no. She pulls her face away and tilts her head up.

"Tobias, tell me what's wrong," she says, searching my eyes.

"Not yet," I say. I grab her face in my hands and kiss her. "Not yet," I say against her lips. Once I start talking, it will change everything. It could change us, so before I start talking, I kiss her again. I memorize the feel of her lips, her tongue, her cheeks, her earlobes, her willowy neck, her ravens.

My kisses turn desperate, because there's a chance I might never get to kiss her again. I wrap my arms around her. I kiss her too hard and I hold her too tight.

"Tobias, you're scaring me," she says, trying to back away.

"I know," I say, not letting her go. I want to tell her that it'll be okay and she doesn't have to be scared but I'm about to tell her something that will shake her whole world apart, so I can't tell her it'll be okay. She struggles under my grip and I look at her face. The fear in her eyes is unnerving and I immediately release her. She backs away.

"I'm sorry," I say, my shoulders hunched.

"You have to tell me what's going on," she says slowly and firmly, but her bottom lip quivers. I move toward her but she backs away again. I take in a deep breath and exhale slowly.

"Remember when I told you I found some files that looked like war plans?" She nods. "Well I found another file that listed meetings between Eric and the Erudite. The morning after we had our big fight, I went to Erudite to spy on Eric at one of those meetings. But it turns out, there was no meeting; it was a set-up and there were some Dauntless there with guns who I'm pretty sure were looking for me."

"Why didn't you tell me," she asks wide-eyed.

"I had other things on my mind that day," I say. Her face softens slightly and it looks like she's going to take a step towards me but then stops herself. "Then when Eric experimented on you, I told him I was going to report him to Max."

"What did he say?" she asks.

"He said Max authorized doing that to you," I say.

"What?"

"That's why I had Christina stay with you today. I knew they wouldn't try to grab you again if you weren't alone," I say.

"Oh," she says.

"I was just trying to keep you safe," I say, I can feel my voice starting to falter but I have to keep it together. She closes the distance between us and takes my hand.

"Does she know about me?" she asks.

"No," I shake my head. "No, I told her it was because you were having trouble breathing and I wanted her to keep an eye on you." I grab her other hand and bring them both up to my lips and kiss them.

"Then today, Max confronted me at work. He told me that identifying and experimenting on the Divergent had become the top priority of Dauntless and if I didn't cooperate there wouldn't be a place for me anymore."

"A place for you where?" she asks cautiously.

"In Dauntless," I say. She steps back. I try to hold her but she pulls away from me.

"But where would you go?" she asks, stumbling backwards.

"I'd be factionless," I say.

"You can't go," she says, trembling. "You're from Abnegation; you've seen how the factionless live. How could you even consider it?" her voice quivering. I inhale and then exhale very slowly through my teeth.

"Tris, it's not safe for you in Dauntless anymore either," I say, moving toward her. She moves away.

"What are you saying?" she stammers.

"I don't think I can keep you safe if we stay."

She sinks down to her knees. I reach out to her but she holds her arm up to stop me. There's nothing left for me to say and nothing left for me to do. I can't comfort her because there is no comfort to give. Neither option we face is desirable.

I stand against the wall, slump down and pull my knees up to my chest. Tris sits across from me and does the same. We sit like this for a long time, winding our way through the city. Night falls and we ride in darkness, only catching glimpses of each other when the train passes by the occasional lights from nearby buildings. Her face looks the same as mine. Numb.

When I see we're nearing Dauntless again, I stand up, move over to her and hold out my hand. She takes it and lets me pull her to her feet. We jump off the train and then walk in silence. When we walk up the stairs to my apartment, she stops on her floor which is one below mine.

"I think I want to be alone tonight," she says quietly.

"But you're bed isn't even made up yet," I say, thinking of all the bags of stuff she just bought sitting in my apartment.

"I don't imagine I'll be doing much sleeping," she says, not meeting my eyes.

"Can I at least walk you to your door?" I ask.

"Of course," she says, putting her hand in mine. We walk along the hallway. We stop and she unlocks the door. She flicks the light on and the starkness of it is jarring. I can't do it.

"I don't want you staying here tonight. I'll stay here, you can stay in my apartment," I say.

"It's fine…..I'm fine," she says meekly, about to walk in to a place which will give her no solace.

"Tris, nothing about this is fine," I say, grabbing her shoulders so she has to face me. Her eyes are so sad, it's tearing me apart. I cradle her face in my hands and kiss her, offering what little comfort I can muster. She puts her hands on my chest.

"I just want to think everything through. And I have to do it with no distractions," she says putting her forehead against mine.

"So, now I'm a distraction?" I say, only half joking.

"You know I can't think straight when you're around," she says, attempting to be light-hearted. I kiss her again, memorizing her taste. She pulls away.

"Pick me up for breakfast," she says, and then the door clicks shut and she's gone. I put my forehead against the door.

I reluctantly head back to my own apartment. When I open the door and see all the bags of things she bought, things that would help her settle into her new life here my breath catches. _Why can't life ever be easy? _

I lay on my bed but I don't expect to sleep. I let my mind wander, wondering about the different choices I could have made. Maybe if I'd had the courage to stay in Abnegation, I would have met Tris anyway. We could still have been together without all this insanity. All I know is whatever she decides, I'm staying with her. I won't let her go. Ever.

In the middle of the night I hear someone out in the hallway and I run to the door, hoping it's Tris.

It's not.

The hallway if filled with people, but no one's speaking.

"What's going on?" I say, as people file past my doorway. No one looks at me. I see Zeke. I grab his arm as he passes by me.

"Zeke! What the hell is going on?" I say to him. He stares blankly ahead and doesn't even register me grabbing his arm. I stand in my doorway, dumbfounded, and rub my hand on my neck. I feel a twinge of pain when I touch the spot where I got the needle this morning. And then it hits me. Everyone in Dauntless was injected today and now they're under some kind of simulation. But I'm awake, which means…..Tris is awake too.

I have to find her!

* * *

**This is where my story meets up again with the rest of Divergent. Hope you liked it. Thanks for reading.**


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